@asapturd Interview

LOU: State your twitter name, overall vibe, and last four digits of your social security number for the record

BRAD CLIT: I am Brad Lee Clit. My vibe is “smockin” and I do not have a social security number.

LOU: Did your parents not give you one when you were born, or did you just lose it at some point when you moved?

BRAD CLIT: My dad has the card. He says that if I need the number, I need to consult him.

LOU: I am just going to get straight to the point and address the elephant in the room… You were caught gambling on youth baseball games, were you not?

BRAD CLIT: Yes. Also high school girls basketball… Kekambas.

LOU: Not only were you caught betting on youth baseball games (and apparently high school girls basketball games), but you were also sleeping with players’ moms and telling them you were their new dad now to try and rattle them and get them to have a bad game. Tell me about that.

BRAD CLIT: I can’t confirm or deny these allegations, but I will ask you a question… Do I smell freshly fucked?

Editors Note: he did smell freshly fucked

LOU: Let us switch gears and talk about philanthropy. Do you know what that word means?

BRAD CLIT: Yeah. It’s when sororities sell bland food for five dollars.

LOU: Just checking.

BRAD CLIT: I hate it.

LOU PISS: I heard a rumor that all your dating profiles were banned for being too sexy. What is it like to be considered by some to be the sexiest man on the planet? And do you think you are sexier than Mars’ sexiest man Preeblop XJ9?

BRAD CLIT: I deleted my online dating profiles because I was never responding. Mars man. Name sounds like PeePoop 69. Yes.

LOU: What is the biggest number you can think of right now? And is it bigger or smaller than 17,457?

BRAD CLIT: Wow it was actually 17457.

LOU: So, is that bigger or smaller than my number?

BRAD CLIT: Yes. Smaller because I wrote it with no comma.

LOU: Off the top of your head, rank your five best friends at the moment and share an embarrassing story about one of them.

BRAD CLIT: 5. My dad 4. Tom Once my dad and I got caught kissin

LOU: Was this in the MTN Dew Code Chill Zone?

BRAD CLIT: It’s the place at the Jordan Creek Town Center with green seats and a Wii. The Wii is the best part. You can play Wii Sports.

LOU: Tell me about your blog (burymeinpleather.com) and how it is inferior to the Piss List…

BRAD CLIT: It’s a lifestyle blog with a constantly changing focus. I really don’t know what its about. The Piss List is like peeing with a boner. It’s not comfortable, but you feel so much better after.

LOU: That is high praise. Thank you.

BRAD CLIT: Np

LOU: Is Mother’s Day the sexiest holiday?

BRAD CLIT: I would pick Valentine’s Day but moms need dicked down too.

LOU: Fuck, marry, kill: Luigi Funko Pop, an Encyclopedia Brown pocket pussy, and Doris Kearns Goodwin

BRAD CLIT: Fuck the pocket pussy. Marry the funko pop! Kill the real woman

LOU: Is Jamie Foxx a better actor or musician? And is he your favorite graduate of Terrell High School in Terrell, TX?

BRAD CLIT: Actor. And I prefer Terrell Owens.

LOU: Is ISIS bae?

BRAD CLIT: The Toyota Tacoma is the official truck of ISIS. ISIS bae.

LOU: How do you feel about the size of the puck in hockey and why do you think the NHL should be cancelled?

BRAD CLIT: The puck should be way way way bigger. Also, I don’t understand the penalties for passing behind the defense in soccer and hockey. Both sports should be cancelled if the won’t get rid of those rules. Better dead than red.

LOU: Burt Bacharach, Louis CK, Hitler: Has cancel culture gone too far? And should it keep going until it comes for James Corden?

BRAD CLIT: Went too far with Louis imo (in my opinion). He asked if he could pound off. James Corden is fat and creepy (read: British). “Where’s my hug” personified.

LOU: Do you have anything you would like to plug or add?

BRAD CLIT: Frick no baby.

LOU: Thank you for your time.

BRAD CLIT: Tyfys