- 3) The Movie Starring Paul Rudd That I Fever Dreamed Was Real AND That I Ordered It On Amazon… The O.G. Pissheads may remember my first entry on the Piss List all the way back on February 15th. But for those of you late bloomers, you can find it here: (https://pisslist.wordpress.com/2019/02/15/february-15th-2019/) After posting that Piss List and after the whole world took notice (13 people visited the site that day), I dug deep in my researching efforts to discover if that movie was actually real or not. I Could Never Be Your Woman, made in 2007, starring Paul Rudd and Michelle Phifer (not Goldie Hawn as I originally remembered) is in fact a real movie… Or so I thought! It is not available for streaming anywhere and I could only find a used copy on Amazon which I immediately purchased. I waited the 2-87 days for the free, non-Prime shipping (balling on a budget pimps) and the movie never showed up. Now, this is either an elaborate prank staged by my girlfriend to make me think I am losing my mind so she can put me in a home, take over my finances, and get her greedy little grits on my 4/5ths of the way punched Sports Clips coupon card and get half off her next haircut – which I was saving for the MVP experience so a woman would rub my scalp and call the cops on my wooder. The only other possibility – way less realistic – is that government doesn’t want me to see the best acting performance ever and get a massive wooder. Maybe the government is involved in both of these plans and they just really don’t want me to be hard. But I am gonna Get Hard 2: Getting Harder, in theaters June 27th, 2020 (sponsored post).
- 2) The Phrase Known As Taking A Shit… Where are you taking it? Idiot. You’re leaving a shit. Unless your toilet is some sort of take a penny, leave a penny situation where, instead of currency, you take a shit, leave a shit or maybe you use shit as currency? Like a dung beetle perhaps? Do dung beetles participate in capitalism? Are there billionaire dung beetles? I bet the billionaire dung beetles all live at the circus and collect the elephant shit. Or they live at my moTHER IN LAWS HOUSE!!!!! The only thing that is taking a shit is my plumbing after I chop my alpha turd into four beta turds and cuck my toilet.
- 1) And this weeks Lou of the Week is The Netflix Sketch Show That Is Filling The Detroiters Sized Hole In My Heart Known As I Think You Should Leave With Tim Robinson… Until Comedy Central brings back Detroiters (or unbans me from crying in their lobby), I will have to watch and re-watch ITYSLWTR on Netflix and for now that is gonna have to do. (P.S. Give more roles to Connor O’Malley, you cowards)
- 3) The Popular Culture Movie Phenomenon Known As The Avengers… I am such a nerd, I love super heroes. Shutta da fucka uppa. Liking the most popular film franchise in the world does not make you a nerd. Doing cum-tributes to Marie Curie and posting them on the Journal of Oncology Research and Treatment message boards does. Being a Marvel fan does not make you interesting, just like hating on the movies doesn’t make anyone but me interesting. I also hate Game of Thrones, pop music, and the soft touch of a woman but you don’t see me bragging about it except almost constantly because my taste is superior to yours. Pop off in the comments about what movies or tv shows or music is good and I will tell you how wrong you are.
- 2) Australia’s Plan To Kill Over 2 Million Feral Cats Also Known As Genociding The Pussy… Look, I think Will Ferrell is just as overrated as the next guy, but killing 2 million of his cats is kind of fucked up. But I guess so is him having 2 million cats? Tough call really. My Aunt’s cat just passed away (hung itself) so she could probably take a million or so of them in. Let me giver her a call first, but pencil me in for a soft 1 million. Also not really convinced Australia can pull this off considering they lost a war against the emus.
- 1) And this weeks Piss of the Week is The NFL Draft… The year is 1969 (nice) and the draft is on the TV. Your whole family is gathered in the family room to see if your uncle is going to be a first round pick. Sure, he isn’t as accurate as some of the other picks available or quite as fast or young, but his potential is off the charts. A real low floor-high ceiling type of draft pick. Your uncle is in tears as his birthday gets called. A first round pick! What an accomplishment. He receives a call from his local draft board that he must report in 48 hours for training camp. You congratulate him on being selected so early and sit down and wait to hear your birthday called. Maybe one day soon, you can die in Vietnam. That’s it. That is the whole premise. No more NFL drafts… Bring back the military draft. Hell, we already have the endless war that no one supports, all we are missing is 18 year old kids who don’t want to be there. I dream of hearing my name called and then dying in the arms of a guy I met two months ago and call Dallas because he is from El Paso, Texas. The real American dream. Piss, out.